ANTM All-Stars: Tyson Beckford and the Intoxibellas

Smize, everybody! After Tyra gave us the holiday off with last week's clip episode, I'm back and rarin' to blog. And Tyra's rarin' to plug--tonight's episode will be about Tyra filming a "movie" to plug her YA book, Modelland.  Yes, it is a New York Times bestseller.  The eye on the cover is definitely smizing.

We rejoin Angelea, who expresses surprise and glee that she was kept over Dominique last week. Angelea seems not quite to have learned the lesson the other girls were trying to teach, but hey, learning has never been one of ANTM's priorities. Back at the house, Laura admires her photo on the "digital art" wall (i.e., the television) and speculates about what it would be like to win.  The breakouts on her chin don't encourage this speculation. All the girls cluster around to admire her photo for a while, until Lisa says, "All right. Well, I'm done looking at it," and walks off. OK, heh.

Next day, the girls meet Nigel in a shop called vendemma, and learn that they will be auditioning for "their future boss," the EIC of Vogue Italia.  If you recall her from last cycle, you'll remember that she pulls no punches and basically dismissed all the models but tall, skinny Ann. She doesn't care about your personality, your story, or your personal tragedy--she just wants a clotheshanger.

Talking Turkey

Happy Thanksgiving! Some of the editors at work got together for a little lighthearted fun on our romance fan page, Pocket After Dark.  We channeled our inner kindergarteners and made Turkey Hand drawings...try to match each one to its editor:

Happy Thanksgiving: The Home Game

Can you guess which one I did?

ANTM All Stars: Greece, Love and Happiness

How do you say "smize" in Greek? No time to learn, because our five remaining ladies are ready to explore the country! But first, they must go home and eat while backstabbing each other in confessional.  Tonight Lisa is a confusing shade of marigold, as though her ridiculous hair color has bled into her skin.  But our focus tonight is Angelea--she doesn't understand why she keeps winding up in the bottom while Dominique never does. Her competitors are happy to explain that she's too tense and guarded, and we get a flashback to one of her earlier shoots where Jay is badmouthing her to the photographer. (He's so supportive.)

TyraMail! Laura tells us it's the scariest TyraMail ever--excuse me, "the skerriest Tahrahmeeul evrrr"--because it says they're going to meet with the judges again, right after they've been to panel!  Relax, Laura, it's not a firing squad yet. Mr. Jay meets them and says, "Usually you're judged by the panel. But now you're going to be judged by your peers." Basically, they're running a "casting" except that they're all judging each other. Apparently there wasn't enough catfighting in the house since Bianca left.  They start by walking for each other, and although they start out nice, Lisa's a little pointed and Angelea's a bit bitchy. Mr. Jay is still there, but says nothing.  Then it's time to review their books, but we see only a couple of specific comments about a few pics, all of which seem valid.

ANTM All-Stars: Greece is the Word

How are we, ANTM fans? Fierce and smizing? Our would-be supahstars are hanging on the bus, all of them pretty cheerful...seems like Alexandra isn't exactly missed. We watch them eating lunch while Angelea in voiceover tells us that "I wanna like Dominique, but Dominique is an actress. No one is Positive Patty all the time." It's true that there is a distressing lack of backbiting coming from Dom. Actually, there's a distressing lack of personality coming from Dom.

The girls get home and disperse, only to reconvene when a giant 16th-century Chinese gentleman knocks on their door--oh, wait, it's just Andre Leon Talley in his caftan and conical hat.  The thing that perplexes me most about ALT is that he's supposedly the height of fashion, but I have seen him wear this exact outfit multiple times! I thought fashionistas were never supposed to be seen in the same thing twice?

Anyway, ALT has come for "dinner," and calls two "waiters" into the hall.  They weave back and forth holding stacks of plates as a minuet for flute plays on the soundtrack, until...a collision! Plates are broken! "Waiters" who are actually "actors" stage a fight! Smash more dishes! The girls are shocked, either because they are gamely playing along or because they are dumb bunnies--could go either way.  ALT gives us the big reveal when he says, "I am so sorry for such gauche behavior, but actually, there is one country in the world where that is a tradition. In Greece! Where we are all headed!" Screaming, jumping, confetti. (When the heck did production manage to rig a confetti drop in the house?)

A Day in the Life of an Eggitor*

 "Do de doh...I wonder what the mail will bring today?"

 "Why hello, Mail Dude! Here is that submission the agent was so excited about."

 "Wow, this is really terrible! He thought he'd get half a mil for this?"

 "Agents who overpitch drive me nuts. Wait'll I tell the gang about this one."

 "We donned snorkel gear because we heard this one was a real stinker." 

 "Hee! Ha! Hoo-boy!"

"What a day. Let's go to the bar."

*Inspired by a particularly terrible query a friend showed me today.  

Now with working pictures (I hope)!

ANTM All-Stars: Don't Hate the Game...OK, Go Ahead and Hate

Warning: tonight is "music video" night, which means that not only do we have to watch these idiots pretend to be models, now we have to watch them pretend to be pop stars, too.  Tyra, why are you doing this to us? Not even you could succeed at this task (anyone remember "Shake Ya Body"? No? Just me?), so why are you inflicting these sad little famewhores on us? Are not the Kardashians burden enough for one nation?

Anyway, the girls are still reeling from the shock of Bianca's departure (no one seems to be reeling about sweet, boring Kayla), and Lisa comes into the house first, gleefully hollering about her photo on the wall.  (Really, anytime Lisa is mentioned, you can assume that "gleefully hollering" is implied.)  Laura and Allison reflect on how much they've grown during their ANTM experiences, with Allison making sure to remind us (or at least the producers) that her journey's not over yet.  Allison's hair is looking a particularly vile shade of yellow in this interview...is her dye job that bad, or does Tyra keep the confessional lights extra unflattering?

TyraMail! But instead of a terrible poem, we're greeted by a video of some toddler named Madison, who is apparently an "internet sensation," according to her chyron.  (Kid has a chyron at three years old? Screw her.) She's giving the girls makeup tips (and frankly, her skin looks better than theirs, so why not?) and then babbles something unintelligible. Angelea rephrases for me and says, "Keep a beat? Like something with music." Allison scratches her head absently, either puzzled or thinking about a sandwich.