Wednesday, December 7, 2011

ANTM All-Stars: The End of the Runway

And here we are at last, fellow Booty Toochers...we've come down to the final three sad, shopworn girls battling for a crown of tin and paste. Who will be the winner? And can they truly be said to have won?

Our opening montage reminds us of our three choices: Creepy Chan, blonde kewpie doll of enormous eyes and bloodlust; Angelea, angry girl from the 716 who works at a bank, so we know she's classy, even if her Greek extends only to "where is the bathroom?"; and Lisa, a 47-year-old mother of three who, judging by her confessional hairstyle, is apparently hot-rolling her hair for her son Joey's wedding on Long Island this weekend.

We return to the house, where Angelea is giddily crowing, "Final Three! Final Threeeeee!" while Allison looks at her feet and Lisa grudgingly allows herself to be hugged.  Then it's time for Lisa's sob story--she has been performing her whole life to "break through the shackles of physical, sexual and mental abuse." She tells us that she's the best she's ever been, and wants to win ANTM to boost her new album and help her charity for abused children.

Angelea tells us that she will fight to the death for this win, and that she sees it as redemptive after her previous loss.  To be honest, we don't seem to spend as much time on her story as Lisa's, but then, we've heard it in every single talking head from Angelea, so we're good.